Stupid Bike
by lilamoonpie8
Summary: Nazz is fed up with playing second fiddle to Kevin's bike, and decides to take matters into her own hands. (Rated T because it's definitely not your average eene episode)


Don't ask me why I wrote this. I honestly have no clue. It was just a random idea that wouldn't leave me alone. Once again, I don't own anything related to Ed Edd n Eddy. That honour goes to the incredible Mr. Antonucci. So I hope you enjoy the story, and please review!

* * *

Nazz looked at her watch for the millionth time and sighed. She was leaning against the tree, watching Kevin working away on his precious bike. Like usual.

"Kev, don't you think you should give it a rest already?" she asked. "I thought we were going to go see a movie."

"Just give me two more minutes." Kevin replied, not looking up. "I'm almost done."

"Dude, you've been saying that for the last half hour. Can you just worry about your stup- I mean, your bike later? We're going to miss the movie if we don't hurry up."

Kevin considered her words for a second. It was true, the movie was starting pretty soon, and he could always work on it later. After all, the bike wasn't seriously in need of repair. And he did feel slightly bad about neglecting Nazz for so long. "Yeah, I guess you're right." he said, standing up. "We'd better go." He slipped the wrench inside his pocket and proudly admired his work.

"Ladies first." he grinned, gesturing to the bike.

Nazz giggled. _He's so romantic _she thought climbed up on the handlebars and Kevin sat over where he always sits.

"Let's go." Kevin put his feet on the pedals and took off towards the Peach Creek Cinema.

* * *

Unfortunately, the date didn't go nearly as nice as Nazz had hoped. Instead of leaving his bike in the rack out in the parking lot like a normal person, Kevin insisted on bringing it inside the theater, somehow managing to sneak it past the staff. And the movie was a disaster. Not the actual film itself; Nazz purposely chose a scary movie so she could pretend to be scared and get Kevin to comfort her. But instead of comforting Nazz, Kevin kept wrapping his arms around his bike and whispering, "Shh, it's all right. Don't be scared, babe. I'm right here"

Nazz folded her arms in annoyance. It was one thing for him to constantly obsess about tuning up his bike and whatnot, but she was starting to feel like he almost valued it as a real person.

And that was not cool.

When it was late evening, the two friends exited the movie theater, and Nazz was seething from how little attention she was receiving.

"What's that, babe?" Kevin said, looking at his bike. He smiled. "Yeah, I liked the movie too. What? No, of course I wasn't scared. Nah, not even the part with the giant needles scared me. Well, okay, maybe a little. What's that, babe?"

Nazz rolled her eyes. _Great. Now he's beginning to sound like Johnny. _

She cleared her throat. "So, um … Kevin."

The boy looked at her, surprised. "Oh, hey Nazz. When did you get here?"

She face-palmed. "You took us here! It was my suggestion. _Remember?_"

Kevin gave her a blank stare. "What?"

Nazz sighed and threw her arms up in exasperation. "Ugh, never mind. Let's just go home."

Kevin shrugged. "Whatever."

They both hopped on the bike and headed back to the cul de sac in silence. Nazz frowned as she saw Kevin lean down to kiss his bike before heading inside his house, without even bothering to say goodbye to her. Nazz stepped over to the idle bike, looked around to make sure no one was watching, and stuck out her tongue at it before going home.

* * *

The next morning, Nazz got up nice and early. She sat on the curb of the cul de sac, breathing the crisp morning air. The streets were completely empty; there wasn't a single soul to be seen. But Nazz liked the peaceful ambience the cul de sac offered at this hour. Sometimes she would get up at the brink of dawn just so she could enjoy the nice tranquility, just like she had today.

But something was off today.

Nazz frowned. She usually felt so relaxed and carefree whenever she partook in these "early bird" routines. But now she felt tension. Dread. Almost like she was being watched.

Nazz stood up. She looked around just to make sure she was alone. There didn't appear to be anyone hiding. So where was this paranoia coming from?

Nazz suddenly felt her pulse racing when she locked eyes on the bike parked several feet away in front of Kevin's garage.

_Of course._

_But that's silly. It's just a bike._

She kept staring at the bike. It looked so innocent, just standing there. But something didn't sit right with Nazz. She narrowed her eyes. It was _mocking _her.

Nazz scowled and walked quickly towards the bike. She put one finger to the side of her face as she thought about what to do.

Then, an idea sprung into her head. Her eyes widened, surprised that she would ever consider doing such a thing. She hesitated as she reached over towards the bike. It would be wrong, dishonest.

And besides, she felt ridiculous for being jealous of a bike. A simple, innocent bike. It wasn't even a person, for Pete's sake!

But Kevin sure liked treating it like one.

And that thought was exactly the motivation Nazz needed to pick up the bike, take it into her house, carry it all the way upstairs and hide it under her bed. After all, who would ever think to look under there?

As she stood in her room, staring intently at the thick blankets covering her bed, she felt a little guilty again. She quickly shook her head, trying to convince herself that it technically wasn't _stealing_. It was only _hiding_. All she wanted was a little more attention from a certain boy, and if that meant temporarily stowing away his most prized possession, then so be it.

* * *

It was now 9:30 am and Nazz decided to head outside again for some fresh air. She brushed a few flyaways out of her hair, put on her shoes, and stepped out into the warm, inviting cul de sac. Her eyes lit up when she saw Kevin across the street, leaning against a fence. She ran over to him, grinning.

"Hey, Kev!" she greeted with a wave.

"Hey." he answered monotonously.

"What a nice day, huh?"

"Sure." he muttered.

Nazz frowned. He wasn't even looking at her, and didn't seem to be interested in a word she said. But she decided she wasn't going to let it get to her, and said, "Hey! Why don't we go to the park?"

"Nah."

Nazz was a little taken aback by his rejection. But then she got an idea. "Maybe we could play some basketball?" She wasn't really into sports, but she was almost certain he would say yes. After all, he was the neighbourhood jock.

However, Kevin shook his head. "I'll pass."

Now Nazz was really shocked. But she refused to give up. "Okay then, what would _you _like to do?"

He shrugged. "I dunno."

That was the final straw. "Fine!" Nazz snapped. "Be that way. See if I care." Kevin didn't even look mildly phased by her outburst, which made her even angrier. "Ugh!" She stormed back to her house, her face scorching.

_And don't count on ever seeing your bike again, you jerk _she thought angrily before going inside her house.

* * *

-It was now just past noon, and Nazz decided to go outside for the third time that day. Although she was still in a pretty bad mood from earlier, she decided that staying cooped up in her house wouldn't help. Plus, she _may_ have overreacted just a little.

Nazz sighed and started wandering aimlessly through the cul de sac. Suddenly, she stopped walking when she heard a familiar voice. She followed the sound and saw Kevin leaning against a tree and talking to someone on his cell phone.

"Yeah, I know man. I just feel bad cause I ignored her all morning, and I don't want her to be mad at me, you know?"

She hid behind the other side of the tree and listened in to the conversation.

Kevin sighed. "What should I do?" There was a pause. "A gift, huh? Well, I guess that could work."

Nazz gasped quietly. He was going to get her a present? To make up for being so cold and rude earlier? A wide grin spread over her cheeks. Deciding she wasn't going to spoil the surprise for herself, she soundlessly scampered back to her house, hands slapped over her face to avoid giggling from enthusiasm. Nazz ran upstairs once she was inside her house, flattered and giddy. She couldn't wait until Kevin arrived and presented his gift, whatever it would be. Maybe, just maybe, if he was real sweet, she would give him back his bike.

Maybe.

* * *

Sure enough, Nazz soon heard the doorbell ring from downstairs. She looked at herself in the mirror and made sure her appearance was perfect. Then she dashed downstairs and was about to open the door, when she suddenly remembered that she was supposed to be angry with Kevin. She discarded her smile; after all, she couldn't look _too _eager. Then she opened the door and found Kevin standing on her doorstep, eyes glued to his feet. His hands were behind his back, presumably hiding something.

"Hello, Kevin." she said, trying to keep her voice stern.

"Hey." He still didn't look up, and shuffled his foot. He cleared his throat and slipped one of his hands away from his back, revealing a bouquet of roses.

Nazz tried very hard to suppress her gasp. _Flowers? No way! _

He finally brought his eyes away from the floor, although they were still not anywhere near making contact with her, and rubbed the back of his neck. "So, um … I was just, uh… Man, this is hard."

Nazz smiled a bit. _He's cute when he's shy. _

"I was just wondering-" Kevin started nervously.

_-if I want to go on a date with you? If I want to be your girlfriend? If I want to get married with you and have lots of children?_

However, all of Nazz's hopeful illusions were shattered when she heard the next five words that left Kevin's lips:

"Have you seen my bike?"

Nazz's smile faded. "What?" she said, her voice dropping several octaves.

"I felt kind of guilty because I ignored her all day, so I wanted to give her these." Kevin explained, holding up the flowers. "but now I can't find her anywhere."

Nazz's whole body began to tremble with rage. One of her eyes twitched slightly, and she started growling.

Kevin raised his eyebrows a little when he saw this reaction. "Nazz?"

"Argh! Give me those!" Kevin was too dazed to blink as he watched her snatch the flowers from his hands and tear them to shreds. She released another frustrated scream and slammed the door hard enough to cause an earthquake.

Kevin stood there, speechless, as he looked down at the bits and pieces of petals scattered on the ground. He continued standing there for a few more seconds before he sighed and remarked, "Must be her time of the month."

* * *

Nazz sighed as she looked out the window, shaking her head as she watched Kevin cruising around the cul de sac on his bike. Although she was extremely pissed off about the mishap with the flowers earlier, she eventually felt bad after seeing Kevin so distraught about his missing bike, so she waited until he was out of sight, took the bike out of her bedroom, brought it outside and left it in the middle of the street. Initially, Nazz's heart warmed a little when she watched Kevin rejoice after reuniting with his bike. But almost immediately after watching him do literally nothing except ride around on it endlessly, she was reminded of why she had taken it in the first place.

She scowled and shut the curtains. This was getting too out of hand. Kevin seemed to be getting more and more detached to her every day, and if she didn't do something soon, she feared he might forget about her.

Nazz lay down on top of her bed, trying to formulate a plan.

She could give Kevin an ultimatum. Choose between his bike or her. She shook her head. She couldn't take that chance.

She could "accidentally" destroy his bike. No, that wasn't enough. Kevin's bike had been totaled countless times - courtesy of three troublemaking boys - yet it always seemed to magically repair itself by the next episode.

She had to dispose of the bike somewhere where he would never find it.

Suddenly, Nazz came up with - in her eyes - a brilliant solution.

Maybe she could pay a little visit to the swimming hole later that night. After all, nothing says revenge like a late-night hostage.

_Say goodbye to your beloved bike, Kevin _she thought with a sinister grin. _Because tonight, she'll be sleeping with the fishes._

* * *

It was the dead of night. Nazz slipped out of bed - not that she'd gotten any sleep - and changed out of her nightclothes. She then stuffed a few pillows underneath her blankets so if for whatever reason one of her parents walked into her room while she was gone, they would think she was still sleeping under the bed.

She crept downstairs and out the door, into the dead, silent cul de sac. She removed a flashlight from her pocket so she could see a little better and illuminated it around the cul de sac. Then she stopped once the light focused on a certain metallic object.

"Aha." She quickly stepped towards the bike, eyes narrowed. She smirked once she was standing in front of the bike parked in front of Kevin's garage. For someone who was so obsessive about his bike, he sure was careless about leaving it out in the open for anyone to take. Especially after what she had done earlier. She hummed to herself softly as she carefully climbed onto the bike, trying to ignore the mocking vibe she received from it. _You won't be looking so smug once I'm through with you. _

She propped up the kickstand and placed her hands around the handlebars. She narrowed her eyes and gritted her teeth determinedly. "Here we go." Nazz took a deep breath and started pedaling, surprised by how easy and effortless it was to stay in balance. She sped quickly out of the darkened cul de sac, tongue sticking out and sweat dripping down her forehead.

She steered past the lane, and the playground and the candy store. When she saw the swimming hole come into view, she leered. This was it. She was sick and tired of being ignored by Kevin and always feeling like a third wheel - no pun intended. She was finally going to put an end to this madness, whether he liked it or not. She was going to teach Kevin a little lesson that Nazz van Bartinschmear is a girl who does _not _like to be ignored. "Forgive me, Kev." she murmured. "But this is for your own good."

When she arrived at the swimming hole, she hopped off the bike and plowed it through the thick sand, ruining the once perfect condition of the tires and spokes. But the bike was going to be resting at the bottom of the lake very soon, so who cared about its condition anymore? She kept walking until she arrived at the bottom of the steep cliff that stood over the entire area. She looked up to the top of the cliff, and a devious grin unfolded on her lips.

Nazz somehow made it to the top of the cliff, bike in tow, and wiped the sweat off her brow. She then wheeled the marred bike to the very edge of the cliff and looked down at the undisturbed body of water underneath her.

"Any last words, you sorry piece of junk?" She said scornfully to the bike, then smirked. "I didn't think so." She grunted as she picked up the bike and lifted it over her head. "Bike overboard, abandon ship!" She exclaimed before hurling the bike over the cliff. She watched as it plummeted into the water with a great "splash" and then submerged into the murky depths of the vast lake.

She gave a salute. "Good riddance."

Nazz carefully started descending down the cliff, adrenaline rushing through her veins. She hadn't felt this good since she'd thrown Kevin's bike when they were in that disgusting marsh and he refused to help with the fire. Come to think of it, she should have done this a _long _time ago.

Nazz made it back onto the sand and looked one last time at the dark lake, smiling. She had finally gotten rid of that abhorrent, stupid nuisance of a bike. _Now Kevin will be all mine…_

The only problem was, now she was going to have to walk all the way home.

"Crap!"

* * *

Kevin squinted his eyes as the bright morning sunlight poured through the blinds of his window. He rolled over onto his stomach and shoved the pillow into the back of his head. However, the sun still managed to bother him by beating down on his body, like it was insisting Kevin to wake up. Kevin groaned and slowly rose from his bed. After a quick stretch, Kevin looked at his digital clock and saw that it was 10:48 AM.

_Gimme a break _he thought irritably._ Can'__t a guy sleep in a little on a Sunday? Stupid sun. _

He sighed, and dragged himself out of his room. He ambled to the kitchen and ate breakfast. Then, feeling much more refreshed, he walked back upstairs to his room and got dressed. He decided that as long as it was nice out, it would be a perfect day to go for a ride on his favourite bike.

He tossed his trademark red hat in the air, grinned when it landed on his head, and jogged down the stairs to head outside. He inhaled the fresh air and smiled as he walked over to the familiar place in front of his garage.

"Hey babe, did you miss me? I can't wait to-" He suddenly paused when he saw that there was no bike where it usually was. "Babe?" He looked around frantically, then got down on his hands and knees to search some more. "Where's my bike?!"

"Looking for something?"

Kevin looked up and saw Nazz standing a few feet away, an eerie smile on her face. He stumbled back onto his feet. "Nazz! Have you seen my bike? I can't find it anywhere!"

"I know where it is." she said.

He wasted no time running desperately over to her in a state of panic. "Where?! Tell me, please!" he begged, shaking her slightly.

She removed his hands from her shoulders and gave him a stern look. "Onlyif you promise never, and I mean _never_, to ignore me again."

He nodded quickly. "Yeah, yeah, I promise. Where is it, Nazz?"

She studied her fingernails for a few seconds before she calmly said, "I threw it in the swimming hole."

"YOU WHAT?!" he cried.

She chuckled softly.

"But why, Nazz? Why would you do that?"

She glared at him scoldingly. "Because, _Kevin_, all you cared about was that stupid bike. You ignored me day in and day out. It's like I didn't even exist!"

Kevin stood there, his eyes wide open as he listened to her scathing lecture. Then he looked guiltily down at the ground. "Huh. I guess I never realized that. Sorry I was such a lousy friend."

She immediately softened up, and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Aww, don't worry, Kev. I forgive you. But we don't have to be just friends. How would you like to be my boyfriend?"

His eyes lit up. "Really? I mean, choice!"

Nazz's sweet smile suddenly disappeared, and she slapped him. "Well, too bad! You had your chance. Do you really think I'm pathetic enough to date someone who calls his bike "babe"? As if! Now you're going to be one of the hundreds of boys who wants me but can't have me. I HOPE YOU DIE SAD AND ALONE, YOU SCUMBAG!" she yelled before furiously storming away to her house, slamming the door behind her.

Kevin rubbed the side of his face, still stinging with pain. Then he scratched the top of his head, shocked and confused. "What was _that _all about?" He sighed and shook his head. "Chicks are crazy, man." he muttered before heading towards the direction of the swimming hole.

* * *

LOL! Poor Kevin! Poor, oblivious, Kevin. Seriously though, I had way too much fun writing this. Nazz is an evil little thing sometimes, isn't she? :)

Review, pretty please!


End file.
